Silicone Dreams

Home is where your heart is
but do you feel it beating?
Like a silicone dream has it been covered
tactfully
hiding what is true.
The world influenced by superpower
and its American dream
And calling it a "superpower" to make the rich richer
and the poor
poorer
is beyond me.
We wait for Superman while we bring home the bacon.
My dad was bringing home bacon
My mama was greeting, all smiles, the milkman
I always wondered about the fruit.
All of that labour and no nutrition.
But I carried on sweet cherry pie, and I let me ride
Slow down child you move too fast
With so many dreams to conquer and never enough hours
in one day.
And where I'll find them?
Out West, as stern as my daddy told me.
"Wealth is power" he said
I didn't know 'til now wealth could be anything else than bacon.
And there was no way in hell daddy agreed with the Vegans.
So pigs were slaughtered and daddy brought it home,
while mama washed away spilled milk.
And still she cried.
Home is where the heart is,
that's what they told me
But do you feel it beating?
Or have you learned to adjust to a rhythm
that gets louder,
louder,
louder
until suddenly
it stops.

A Tale of Two Men

I met you in joy
I met you in joy riding

I saw your sparkling eyes
I saw your eyes sparkling

I kissed your sweet lips
I kissed your lingering tongue

You made my heart skip a beat
You beat my heart

You laid your hands on me...
You laid your hands on me.

You said that "no matter what, even without me, it's all about simplicity"
You said that "no matter what, even without me, simple is me."

You knew how to fool around with me, you made me laugh
You knew how to fool around on me, you made me cry

I was walking on sunshine
I was walking on eggshells

I would stay up in the night thinking of you
I would stay up in the night worrying of you

You knew how to get excited with me
You knew how to get irritated with me

When I left, we danced in your car all the way there
When I left, we didn't speak all the way there

You helped me to know love.
You helped me to know love.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Calm Seas

Wanderlust to wonder lust ashes to ashes dust to dust that's what they were
killed for.
Open hands skies are falling
those that feel tend their calling in the field of
wonder.
Flying high learning to soar
away you say
but nothing more
than tasting air upside down and
that's where I turned my frown.
Even though the stream is ever lasting I'll forever sow and be casting
the line of your heartbeat
so that when you bite,
I'll know to reel it in toward mine.
Feeling this real
never
tasted
so
good.

On and On ...

My cipher keeps moving like a rolling stone.

This morning I awoke with a curiously beautiful feeling within my heart. And it was all due to the most wonderful dream. I do usually write down my dreams in my journal, but today, I felt as though it would be more appropriate to blog and let whoever wants to read these words settle within their hearts as well. When I have a wonderful experience, I can't help but want to share it. That is a grand part of our purpose in this journey, is it not?

Before drifting to dream works last night, I was engulfed in emotions of all kinds. Confusion, pains, sadness, curiousity, hopelessness, playfulness, longing, happiness, love. Like a movie reel playing across the top of my third eye, I was watching pictures and videos of my memories. The memories I had with the one I thought was the one, and then memories of the one who brings joy and love to my heart. Beautiful bearers of light and lesson. Floating across my field of vision.

And with wallops of letting go, in and out, in and out...I slowly began to drift off into my highest senses. I remember being in a parking lot with my mother. We were fighting and arguing about something, and I remember that old familiar feeling of wanting to be the most powerful in the conversation, wanting more control. I was feeling angry toward her, violent even, and I wanted to thrash out with my physical might. While feeling this, I walked toward the store and went in. The store seemed to be a kind of craft store. There were all kinds of artistical goodies like things you'd buy if you were into needlework, scrapbooking, drawing and painting. I felt like I was there to buy something for my friend Tina, who's an avid craftswomanaholic. I was looking at different kinds of needlework that she might like, when out of the corner of my eye I see a young boy. This boy seems to be around the age of ten or eleven physically, yet in his presence, I felt as though he were closer to his thirties. Like being in the presence of a young, handsome man. He caught me by surprise, because he began talking to me as if he was hitting on me. I was a bit confused and taken aback because he looked so young but acted as if he was alot older, and so he began asking me about what I was buying, and if I'd like to go for a coffee sometime. He was with an older gentleman as well, who looked as though he was his father, or the one taking care of him, and the man just looked at me and smiled as if to say, "oh boys will be boys!"

I smiled back, sighing, thinking to myself, I guess they come in all ages. And I just tried to ignore the boy. But the boy was persistent, and very inquistive of me. He kept asking me questions and pressing on, not in an annoying way, but in a way that was quite impressive to me. I began to look at him a little closer, and more deeply in the eyes, and as soon as I did this, he looked back at me and said "Stephanie"

"...you might first reach out for your OWN gatekeeper. This is a guide that will control the sort of entity that is allowed to come through to you; it will only allow loving, positive entities in. You can establish a sign, symbol or other form of identification as sort of a "password" for your gatekeeper."

I asked him how he knew my name, and he told me, "It's simple really, I'm psychic." And I laughed, but knew in my heart what he was saying was true.

Little did I know in my dream, that this was one of my spirit guides giving me the "password" that I set up for myself, telling my own spirit that this entity is a safe one. By saying my name "Stephanie" it reminded me that I knew this person, and that he knew me, and it was okay to proceed.

And so I felt myself becoming more trustworthy, more interested in what this boy had to offer me. He had a familiar light in his eyes, and all of a sudden I realized I could see his aura. It was blue. Surrounding him was a blue light and his eyes reflected the same beautiful hue.

He began to walk with me outside, flirting and laughing with me the entire way. He was flirting with me in a pure, whole hearted kind of way, asking me out for coffee, as if to mock the traditional systems of our day with the man approaching the woman with the typical line. Knowing that I knew full well those systems are tired and I have only to laugh at them at the end of the day. In doing this, he wanted me to warm up to him and begin to remember who he is. And so we got back in my car, my mother drove. We drove to a place, and he told us to stop. He asked me to get out of the car, and we both got out and sat on the pavement. While my mom waited in the car, we were both sitting cross legged, facing eachother on the pavement. I don't remember consciously everything that he was saying to me at that point, but I do remember him making me feel calm and centered. And after a little while, he proceeded to put his hand on my back. As soon as he did this, I felt my entire being fill with full, immaculate, bright white light. The centre of my core was beating and flowing in and out with this humongous strong white light and he told me that "These are your wings"

As soon as he said that, I remember feeling a bit scared all of a sudden, and I tried to tell him to stop. "Stop it...stop it..." but I said this softly, knowing that I didn't really mean it. Knowing that it was just my old belief systems that have been made to fear the light in the past were coming up and finally undone. As soon as I felt the fear flow through me, I remember feeling like he let had let go of the reins, and let me feel the massiveness of my own power. And so I began to let go. I began to feel the rich immaculate white light seep through every piece of my entire being, and I let it into every part that I knew I had. I opened up to it and to its entireity, and it was breathtakingly beautiful. I remember feeling it encapsulating me and feeling myself trusting in it and letting my fears go...letting it become me, and then, realizing that it has been me all along.

The light slowly came back to earth. And there the little boy was, smiling with tears in his eyes. Looking into me with those deep blues. As though to say, "now you know who you are, don't forget it. never forget."

And with that, we went back into the car, I remember hearing him making jokes and laughing. Me sitting beside him, speechless...feeling the aftermath of what I had just felt within myself. And then my cell phone rang. Uknown Name and Number And it was this angry man with a rusty sounding smoker's voice, and he was telling me how I had done something wrong! I did this to paige! And i thought to myself....whatever this man is talking about, I have no idea. And without judgment, I hung up on him. The little boy smiled at me and let me do what I needed to do. And we saw the man who seemed to be his guardian at the store, waiting for him at the next stop. I opened the door for the boy and gave him a big hug and a loving kiss on the cheek. He jumped out of the car and began acting like a little boy again, pretending to be broken as he limped toward his guardian, pretending that he had just done a big job and was so "exhausted"...and I remember looking at him and giving into fear again thinking "oh god...i did that to him!...is he okay??" And then I looked up at his guardian who was just smiling at the boy, with a smile of knowing on his face, like "come on...let's go now silly."

And with that, the little boy stopped pretending to limp and began running toward his guardian. And as he did, he looked back at me and gave a wink.

I woke up just then to the sound of my dad calling my name "Stephanie!...Stephanie! Are you up yet!?" And I jolted awake, "....Yep...Yes! Yes I am!"

Bzzzzzt. Bzzzzzt. My cell vibrated two seconds after that on my night table beside me. And there was my cousin Carly, texting me saying how she can't wait to talk to me again.

I always take the significance of what happens before and after my significant dreams as well. And I realized now that the two people in my waking life who have been my Spirit Guides for my entire life were the two people who woke me that morning. I have many more guiding me in this life, most definitely, but they are the most significant ones as of right now. And they were right there, to greet me to the waking dimension again.

I'm in awe of how powerful love is. It's the strongest force in the universe, and it's infinite. It will never run out and it will always be there. And it seems to come to you at the most beautiful moments when you find yourself needing it the most.

may love, god, spirit, buddha, jesus or erykah badu, whomever you choose to call it, bless you all.

Remember who you are. Remember your infinite power. Remember your infinite love.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!!!!

I love you so very very much.

~Stephanie

Don't Come Back At All.

You couldn't stand seeing my true love
Because you don't know it within yourself.
So you took it away from me.


Who do you think you are? Running around leaving Scars. Collecting your jar of hearts. And tearing love apart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM

Don't come back to me.

Don't Come back At All.

Our Song

Thoughts and thoughts and eyebrows a' twiddlin'
That's where I seem to be right now.
Hours and hours to go before fiddlin'
That's what I thought when I tipped over that cow.
Somewhere down the land and valley
A Johnny Cash tune rang in my head.
Somewhere down the road of my mind
I felt the song you sang me instead.
Oh, what a Beautiful Mess this is
It's like we're picking up trash in dresses.
And the lead of the pencil scribbled...
And the heart of that little girl giggled...
And after a time, the sound sank through.
It sank through to the pit of her stomach.
It sank through to the pit of her heart.
And with that, she softly remembered
Like waking from a colourful dream
full and mixed and layered of dimension.
Waking life never took so long to awaken to
But here we are, here we are.
We're still here.
Through lanes of walking, alleys of wandering
and hours of wondering
We become what we've always wondered about.
We've become what we've always fought about.
We've become what we've always preached about.
We are what we've always been.
Reflections of God.
Heaven on Earth.
And yes, folks.
Fellow friends
dearest soul mates of the grandest kind
It's more than safe to say
That the joke's on us.
I hope you laugh
I hope you know joy
I hope you jump into your passion
without fear or contradiction.
I hope you remember who you've always been.
And through it all, I'll be here
Singing our song

Love,

Stephanie

Notes on the Road: Avec Mon Beau Ami

Something I wrote in a car while a beautiful man friend of mine sat beside me, taking the wheel.

June 2nd, 2010

Driving. Needing to write again. You never know when inspiration strikes. And here it happens to be in a car with this companion I find myself with again. Did I tell you that he reminds me of my dad? I don't always know what to think about that when it crosses my mind, but it definitely crosses my mind. It's the little things he does. The way he explains things, how they all sound like fact rather than fiction. The way he uses his hands to describe those facts. And sometimes the way he describes doesn't always come out in a way that makes sense, but to him it does. As if everything he says, he believes that since he understands it, then everyone else should, too. And I smile. I glanced behind me today and saw him sitting on a piece of log tying something up, his mind furiously and heartily at work, reaching a purposeful means to an end. And I smiled. His eyes have a kind of compassion mixed strength with abandon. And I feel as though I understand. As of now, I glance over, and he drives and drives and looks outside and I can hear his thoughts as he is gauging when the next fateful rapid will be. Numbers, calculations, logistics and disgruntlements and then. Remembering. What it's like to feel again. What it's like to see this stranger he is driving around, welcoming her into his hometown, wondering of the mind that works in her head. And remembering love. Somehow, it reminds me of a kind of up and down infrastructure that never quite gets fully built. The mechanical pieces of a tall tower, calculating the widths and heights of things, and then, realizing that to reach the top, and finish the tower, would be futile anyway. Realizing that it's impossible to reach the top, because there's never truly a finish line. Never truly an end. Just this journey of building and nurturing and enduring and colouring and expanding. And just when you feel like giving up, giving in, letting go, you remember all over again. I feel as though I need to laugh out loud at this peculiar veil we wear in our heads. The one that separates our brains into "left" and "right" into "good" and "evil" into "right" and "wrong" into "black" and "white." This man behind the curtain. This spooky devil we thought was playing tricks on us. The one we also labelled god. The one we also named religion. The one we also named Human. Because, after all, "we're only human" and that's our only excuse until we think we get old. Being "only human." We are more than that when we lift the veil, the joke that's been on us the whole time, the one that we've ultimately created for ourselves on this Earth realm. We are more than what we thought we were, more than human. More than we thought we ever were meant to be and then some. And all thats left, in the "end," are the colours of us. Colours of you, colours of me, colours of all that exists. A timeless music on a string guitar, a song through the voice of a bird, a flight of its first morning feed. The one who soars by and sees that there is an angel sitting there on the rock, listening to the heart beat. Listening to the flow of the Universe. Paying attention with eyes awake. And she smiles at the bird, after sending out a signal that she Knows, and is grateful for the angel that passes by in return. Trusting and Turning is always a grand scheme.

I Love You.